im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
