you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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