Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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