Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
