its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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