The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize