oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
