She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
