Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
