I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
