Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
