he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The power of my boobs compel you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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