I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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