i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
