Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
