I just threw up on my dentist
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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