she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
