took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
