Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
