I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
