When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
