So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A+ Viking dick
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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