Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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