Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
