Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
