his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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