As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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