Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
