Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
