you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
