I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
two words: eviction party
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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