ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
