Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
