I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
