Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
