i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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