Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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