Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
