She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
