It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
