I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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