Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
