woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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