Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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