I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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