True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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