Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
