So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
