not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
