So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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