she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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