Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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