This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
