My friends, they love my intelligence
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
