I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
