i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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