y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
