We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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