I puked a lego.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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