just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
high people should be assigned attendants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I party with great urgency now.
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