There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
