We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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