she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
