Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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