i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.