I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
