I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.