I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout