I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
