Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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