He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i believe in u and ur pee
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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