tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
