So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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