I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
