To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
