my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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